Christmas Time Blues

a little bit low,
a little bit blue.
winter's got a chill...
complimenting the i of me.
love and glow
swim and flow...
hollowed hearts
set apart.
you know not.
roots of a memento mori...
come now compass heart,
scream vivere...
once more for me.

Shotgun Seat

A lovely friend of mine is coming back from Nepal and i guess you could say i'm uber excited and ecstatic about it! So... i wrote her a quick... quirky little diddly da of a tune.

liar

sleeping beau blues.
a numbing of truth,
for,
a what...
is as,
to whom
i of am.
norm,
uncommon rebuke.
forceful now....
lie aloud.
come again.
once, twice...
tis a becoming truth.

Quote

There's a beauty in the subtle epiphany of a second chance heartache.

Bones

Inadvertent loss.

Impalement through the heart.

Feel for a want.

A needed sought.

Rejection…

Foil plot.

Fade to black.

Epiphany enact

let lay...

past.

A reach for back.

farewell running fast.

misery brews...

footsteps move.

constant.
a slow pace stance.

Rooftops.

New version....

Origins.

Counter back.
Tock to last.
Events of past,
You.
Forward now.
Shore side launch.
Cast out.
Reel in heart.
Waters and waves.
Collide and combine.
Drift,
Restless now.
Fear to love.
Fast of fall,
vertical peaks.

I am of not.

I am of not.

Wayward,

Discreet heart.

Fickle beauty,

Hungry searching.

Suitors yearning.

Choice or chance.

Disregard.

Sure shot bet.

Push and urge.

Dynamics skewed.  

Plea for bargain.

A hesitant yes.

Vrai or faux…

Feelings aglow.

Havisham heart,

Estella guard.

Cob web soul.

Brave young chap

A gentlemen’s better half.

Be patient tempered heart.

For love’s undoings left me cold.
hollowed slow bleeding.

So show me love.

Tender and true.

Teach me how…

Soft.

Sincere….

Whisper truth…

Humble and true

Hold me now.

For I do…

Love you.

I am of not.

Fears and doubts.

I wear like scars.

Hush my lips,

Steady my heart.

Calm me down.

I am of not. 

Nebula.

For reason's unknown... i was thinking about the realm and universe today. And of course, common place happenings... present/past tense; inspired some of this melancholy nonsense. Select people came to mind when i was writing this... in the end. Ironic. because its almost fitting! Nebulas, as a whole, are made up of a multitude of things which in turn is the gist of the song.

Best Regards.

Sam

Lyrics ~

Can you hear me breath,
Can you hear my thoughts when I think.
Or when I don’t speak.
Oh, I don’t know why… our lives.
Are… but smeared blurred, lies.

We are 2X outliers that speak.
We are 3X outliers that speak.
We are 3X distant stars
We are nebulas, crash burn. rebirth. die.
Die again, into something beautiful.
Tell me telescoper…
Did you see my comet shine?

You got a heart like a fighter.
And I got no courage, to speak my mind.
And I die, at night.
Laying wide awake in the dark.
Heart like a window pane.
I gotta lay my head down.
I don’t know why we become distant stars.

Chorus

Can you point me out. Why do I fade…. Like all the nebulas.

Chorus

Fade into life. Like all the nebulas
Can you hear me breath.
Tell me telescoper…
Do I fade at night.

Piss Off Tempered Hearts...

To hell with the faint of heart,
And cruel mind of tongue...!
Cower not.
Stand right up.
Confidence of the am and who...
Shine right through.
Up and leave,
Whim or planned.
Compass heart.
Roots,
Ink depth deep.
Spin round...
For the here and now.
Let fall,
past previous mars...
For this...
Is the who of are.

Late Night Rambles

Home

A fleeting miss,
Harden thoughts.
Tender hurt.
Flesh raw scars.
Tidings do bring.
Subtle roots,
Flaunt it not.
Harbor beauty,
Worldly undoings.
Imprison ink, walk.
Lookers see not.
Deeper depth.
Preserve, believe.
Naïve upbringings.
Perspective’s assumptions.
Blasphemy's rant.

Leave

Gander round,
seen un-sight…
Hanker sought.
Turn about.
Sideways lust,
Sod it, must.
Brassy lass.
Whimsical heart.
Fret foe, fear.
Inadequacy,
Up and leave.
Tide baring grief.
Constitute loss,
weep.

Tiny

Complexity heed lecture not.
Reverse fall fool,
Elude round right.
Scarcity reels fright.
Stowaway delight.

Worst Kind

suitors here and yearning... piss off.

Possibilities

tinker tinker...
tittle tot,
dippity do dots.
forgotten not she, yet.
cards go suitors...
play here, past.
call bluff, better bet.
angsty ants.
fiddle tiddle tat...
fantastic dread!
knowing known's unknown....
witter bitter worth.
begun beginnings
ending yet.

Why Then

you're not mine to give care...
                               the right is all yours,
for i let you go.
                       a choice made years ago.
hearts came to a halt.
                      oh how the ocean waves did rock,
young we were...
                         our lives blurred and cluttered.
                               i loved you fierce.
                                    i loved you so...
you could not bend, no
bare brave...
                              i needed you so.
                                  i was broken and alone.
never once did you ask.
       a simple, "how are you?"
never did you say.
       how sorry you were.
"Is there anything i can do?"
                                           lack of care.
                                         consideration....
                     that my dear.
                 reasons as to why...
               upon my own accord
                      I let you go.
irony...
for you spoke such cruel words.
                                               Why then,
do i feel the way i do.
                                       is it love.
                                     or a grieving ache.
Is it the fact,
       you never cared.
             or contently moved on.
                                                   why then...
do i care.

Port Side Wreck

She’s a cool flame fire.
Searing through my veins.
Hypothermic relief.
All but through a screen.
Pleasant hi’s and hellos.
Nonchalant,
Indifferent's discreet.
Cherished.
Peace of mind,
Escaping flee…
Topics surface,
Familiar voices.
Airwave scene.
Humor,
Is as dry weave…
Harbor heart.
Port side wreck...
Reverie.
Verses left,
Silenced.
Present now,
Discrepancy ….
Suggest.

Do You

~ For Jake ~

Smears

Alas,
Lassie girl,
You are my undoing,
Bottle lost hope.
Calamity tides,
Ocean fiery bliss.
Aye,
Easy eyes.
You are my clarity,
shore side amiss,
falters and fears,
brew weaken spirits.
Onslaught mess.
Deprived is as mind,
conceive a perceive,
Indeed..
Darling dear,
comprehension’s complexity.
subtly you sneer.
picture scattered canvas,
Blurred smears.

Dawn

Morning anew,
Sleepy eye blues.
A numbness sets in.
A void presence,
Reverie bleeding through.
Her ringing silence.
Stumble to and fro.
Weakness lingers…
Threadbare bones.
Hollow halls,
Loss dawns.

Come Back Home...

nuff said.... rough, raw and sappy.

<--- --->

peering black.
stiffen lull.
demons crawl.
fears sound.
raging hate.
a loathing fight.
thicken smog.
panic near,
struggle life.
reverse,
reaction.
concluded vow.

River Heart.

Cast out.
temper sound.
line drawn.
thoughts mar.
drifter gone.
take keep.
loose let,
seek.

Late

Eyes blur,
sleep sounds.
thoughts rush,
hidden,
discreet.
conscious hush.
disregard,
come round.
fleet,
meek.
solitude keep.
beg,
plead.
candle light scene.

Scattered.

flicker,

hither...

withering life. 

height,

might,

star light.

bed 

dread.

restless night.

Atlas Drop

Goodbye blues,
fade to screams and cheers.
laughter rises...
grease filled air lingers.
blurs follow motion,
lights and color...
swirl,
contort figures.
A subtle undertow...
burns...
corrodes....
hollow heart.
atlas empty drop.

Fool.

you're a stab in the back...
dagger twisting deeper
with each and every breath.
our lives were never meant...
ever to collide,
merge.
cross paths.
moments rewind...
day one.
your eyes.
liquid fire.
a yearning lust.
blazing red.
i fell in love....
its stand still mess.
with a farewell goodbye.
you stole my heart.
a hollow empty void.
bitter i've become.
i've loved you so.
envied your pursues...
for you see them fitter.
you're a love undone.
for i can't move on.
oh how i've tried.
dear me i fear...
there's a part of me,
that holds on.
a hopeful part...
stubborn enough,
not to give up.
i've distanced myself...
disappeared.
refused to call.
up and left,
everything,
just to escape.
lingering memories,
of a supposed once was.
there's nothing i can do or prove.
for i'm everything,
unwanted by you.
fool i am..
for i still love you.
a wounded dog,
loyal to one.
so fiercely i've loved you.
passionately, i've hated you.
you're perfect for me,
in all the right and terribly wrong ways.
i am..
but a fool in love.

Airs and Ports.

clutch
crunch
time tick tock.
empty drop.
hollow nauseous
panic stricken
waning loss.
farewell ascending.
gone.
halt,
pause.
move
run.
verb
something.
anything
tear fall.
wanderlust found.

You

and so the beginning's end has come.
a heart beat left undone.
past memories,
wandering in tempered lust.
or shall i say,
a once was love.
hearts grow to ache.
a love meant not for pain.
consequentially.
inevitability

Bike

late night,
bike lights.
random pubs,
fuzzy minds.
part, divide.
cruise and curves,
left to right.
seeking turns.
a tempered patience...
a pleading want.
left on 11th,
oh what a sight...
late night hellos...
peace of mind...

Solitude.

Suitors come...
A want and a yearn.
Such sincere intent.
As they reach,
Pour their hearts out.
Oh how they take and make time.
compliment,
inquire a day's how's and why's.
attempts of winning hearts.
Too bad I’m a turn and run.
Disregard and shut out…
For I find nothing more taxing…
Then a plague such as yourself.
Leave me in peace…
I want nothing more or less.
Just my solitude at best.
I'm cold and cruel...
to any of whom,
wish me well.
for guarded i stand.
mars from a past farewell.
I'm a heartbreaking lass,
So save yourself the heartache.
Walk away....

Die Out

Sparks die out.
Burnt,
Ash dust.
A rage and hate.
Claims, engraves.
Tis an expected sort of thing.
Silly hopeful girl.
With your stars and dreams.
Realism verse romantics.
Bittersweet components.
A lust for the bottle.
Regardless of outcomes.

Romeo's Dilemma

Photos and frames,
Capture,
Display.
Norms.
Happy hurry elate.
Planes and waves.
Past memories awake.
A soon coming…
An almost leaving…
Emotions contrite.
Common wandering.

Story

She’s a stole away heart.
Tail lights veering right.
She’s a drive away goodbye,
Of a midnight car ride…
She’s the radiance of a smile,
As the hour clock strikes.
She’s a sunset sight…
On a cloudless night.
She’s a warm summer rain…
A brilliant cascade.
She’s the heat of the night.
where words rise and dissipate.
She’s the anticipated wait…
The suspense of a coming dread.
She’s the soul that crumbles.
Concluded as is beginning...
She's the plot of my story.
A heroic tragedy.

Road

She's a free fall moment,
humid summer night.
wind blown smile.
speeding headlights.
late night verses,
destination plot.
background lull.
familiar roads.

Joy Williams

She said it all.........

Gone

Picture perfect moment
Captured,
selfish remembrance.
A faded memory.
Alas, an only memory.
A once was.
A come and gone.

Sink

A coming come.
age undone'ing.
click.
tick.
its a sure shot hit.
titanic a panic.
ship,
sink,
sunk.
now a happy.
narrow
empty
lonely.

..............

A coming of age,
an undone coming.
click.
tick.
its a sure shot hit.
titanic panic sink.
a happy kind of now,
narrow is as empty.
lonely.

Lovely Eyes

its a waterfront sit...
familiar face.
lovely eye bliss...
a star shot glance.
outta sight.
outta mind.
ironic happenings.
come round again.

Kudus Viewers.

For once i'll actually post something not sappy, moody or annoyingly perplexing and write something on a more.... human level. So this is me sharing and bouncing ideas, thoughts and thinkings off of you! Oh and for all you beautiful followers out there that take the time to browse... Kudus to you. Whomever you are or choose to be, you're beautiful and have an absolutely gorgeous heart. So thanks for the viewer support.

Its interesting at times.... As readers we conjure up this supposed idea and image of the artist or writer. What they see, feel, think, act or believe... we see it in their work. Because of this, we form opinions completely selfish to our own. When we stumble upon a piece of their work or anything in general. Likewise to life and its brilliance... so to speak. We are left with choices. Regardless of the situation at hand... There are always choices. We as humans neglect the obvious but so very distorted "thing." I call it "thing" because in all reality... what can you call something that can mutate into just about anything with the conscious human aid of a decision. For me, I try not to hold myself on grounds of right or wrong. In other words, deciding what to do depending on if its morally right or wrong. Then again... define morality and its supposed moral ways. Anyways, i'm just balanced and neutral. Seeing that my right may or may not be perceived as completely and utterly wrong to others. Not that i care or find myself influenced to exterior opinions; it just keeps for open and common grounds. Emotionless. In the world of analytic beings, we either view and disregard or allow it to swell within us. Either because of a personal connection/shared experience or because its something that captivates us on some form of level. We indulge ourselves and let the pure complexity of that "one" thing consume us so much that it becomes an intimate part of us. We can choose to hold on to this moment in time or allow it to pass by.

What i'm referring to simply is.... I as the creator and author of these, unique writings holds a deeper depth to words then a tattoo artist's ink needle. You see what i write.. you may or may not take time to read through it, disagree, agree, scroll through until you see something of other interest. Whatever you choose to do... you did. And i'm so happy for you and glad you did. In all honestly, i'm not looking for anything more or less. This blog was designed to keep myself sane and give me a place to spill and unload my thoughts. As a writer... opinions matter just as little as they do much. For some of you, you leave comments, some choose to rate and some choose not to choose and enjoy a pleasant read. Its so strange to think that for so long i've been the viewer and watchful eyes of
my inspiration. I always wanted and wished they would communicate more to their viewers. So here i am doing this for you.

So here's the thing....

I've found that my present now is always shaping into a past then. A time and a place where my life has been momentarily paused and heart was left. I can never just let go of anything and move on... It always seems like, if i hold on... maybe it was real or maybe there's that romantic chance that i'll get it back. Or some hollywood moment might come of it and i'll be happy. Moments and memories i hold onto... emotions i allow to erode and consume me. I love and feel stronger and deeper then most and because of it... i'm a continuous whirl wind of heartache. Sometimes i feel that with each day, i need to act and react to the most extreme and free spirited way. More so because that's who i am.. but also because i know i'll never have it again. So why not allow myself the chance to feel and make plots to ploys with ungoverned laws. Why not laugh and love so pure and freely that it flies you to vast heights. Consequentially, when all is said and done... your happy high matures into the deepest of lows. Sometimes i find myself frustrated with such an unsteady life. You could say i'm bipolar... scientifically i know that i am not. I "choose" to allow myself to feel. I choose to stay or leave. With each choice i make and do; i feel that the over looked becomes my later then regret. Does this mean i need to slow myself and take it in more. Appreciate things more....?

Nonsense. Under no such basis should i wallow in petty things. Then again, why do i lose sleep over it. Its a tattle tail mess. Sometimes i find myself in moments of the sincerest nature and force myself to remember each detail. And when its all said and done... i realize i didn't allow myself to "appreciate the moment." Where then, the left over feelings and emotions and memories may or may not have lingered. Ripen sweeter, given with time... a reminisce of a once was. Something i could sip my tea to while rocking gingerly in a chair. So where is the line drawn.

Are these the precious moments they speak of...? In regards to life. Precious moments where they only happen once and the produced memories are all you have left. A hollow, left over kind of feel. At its concluded end... its just gone. And the loneliness sets in again. Heart ache has left me so terribly worn... I just want consistency. That's all...

Down on Wilson.

Well I’ll be,
That doll’s the bee’s knees,
Giving me the heebie jeebies.
A torch I might be carrying.
Got me going goofy.
A stuck on kind of feel.
Ain’t got a clam,
Bum off any bimbo.
As long as she’s got IT for me.
She’s keen on the level,
A hotsy-totsy,
Moving fingers on keys,
She’s the cat’s meow…
Down on Wilson St.
She don’t take no,
Wooden nickels.
She’s a radical sensation
motion picture baby.

30 Second Scene.

she's a blue flame fire.
simple humble splendor.
modest, poise ease.
hearts fall short.
wind blown discreet.

Confusion.

It’s a stutter stutter,
turn or tremble
hieroglyphic read.
She’s a fine fit fire.
Cold burn kind of feel.
A blurred distortion.
Pixel picture clear.

Onion

Fester ether
Contagious,
common place amiss.
Smuttier blunder,
Server deed.
Smite.
Jolly folly.
Madness that speaks.
depth a deeper.
love,
pray be sin.

Lass a love

Stubborn a beauty,
holds high,
Faith born enduring...
An ease,
meant not for greed.
burdened a love.
infinite consuming.
Sails she sets,
mountains atop.
farewells soon'ing.

Thinking Thoughts

A nautical motion.
Notion commotion...
I as are potion.
euphoric explosion.
Stall is as in.
Thoughts of a provoking.
Follow wallow shallow sin.

Pretend.

All is well in the world of the bliss.
Tempered patience,
Sideways hiss.
A make believe,
Conjured,
surreal dream.
Easy is,
Are, as is thinks.
Tend pretend.
Harbor, safe keep.
A humble bubble.
Burst, break, bleak…
Drawn on an out.
Effort an energy.
Gave a give.

Surprise....

tall a tale.
tattle tail words.
he a she.
she be he.
she a her...
him, he nor.
norm a norm.
craze nor foe...
praise be you.
true be you.
truth, dare do ..
dare it be true.

Stupor.

Flesh, be it but severed.

pride...

waning, 

as if endeavor.

clamor,

drunken stupor. 

emotions...

on upon...

sails.

midnight storming vessels

words of an unspoken.

dance. 

flutter.

come round...

upon later. 

am i who...

Labored a love.
deemed with a name.
entitlement...
meant not for fame.

Break Even

So they say i'm my mother's daughter...
she says, a spitting image of my grandmother.
though born of flesh and sin,
from origins unintended...
nurture verse nature.
i am, but a fickle human.
But i say..
i'm just Sam...
from a generation,
breaking even.

Day Old Hate

There’s a rage and a hate.
Born from man’s disdain.
A parallel beauty,
To that of Pandora’s wrong doing.
Nations falter and cease.
Their supposed Gods…
Destroyed with utter ease.
Such kind heart compassion…
Relinquished,
A tale once spoken,
Analogous, the garden of Eden.
Blindly, I follow not,
Influenced upon no such grounds.
I need not your acceptance.
Nor your petty approval.
Who I am, defies your laws.
Matters of right and wrong…
According to what…
Suites similar to your own cards.
I need not hear…
Your words of ignorant rants.
For they are pledged with blasphemy and sin.
Hold your tongue,
you insolent loon.
fool be you, to pride yourself.
oh, but a foully life you've lead.
You know not of what you speak...
Matters in which,
You govern and permit....
Christen yourself,
With such entitlements and ways.
Hypocrite you surely are…
For you do not live,
with goodness in your heart.
True humble beauty,
Comes not from believing…
Nor proclamations and on doings.
There’s grace found within,
the acknowledgment…
Of death’s tender kiss.
Faith in humanity.
Honest and sincere being.
Understanding and knowing…
Is only part of living…

Love me

It’s a stand still display.
Of chaos and disarray
Hearts beat gray.
For fear to love,
Is never one to bear brave.
For honesty bleeds truth.
Consumed are you to presume.
Morality justifies moral ways.
Plots and ploys all too vague…
For fickle is as severed flesh.
Forsaken was their intent.
A travesty in the making…
A love…
meant not to begin.
Born of ill will.
Sin was our bliss.
So love me fierce,
Unafraid.
Love me now…
Unashamed.
Love me…
for all that I am.

Letter To Self

Dear My Darling Self,

I write to you,
In fear my efforts,
Were of vain and ignorant hope.
A naïve circumstance,
Inevitable if indeed that.
For it was told and foretold,
A tale of old,
Concluding it’s just begun.
A tale,
Of a you and i…
A never meant to be,
Consequentially meant for each.
A mockery of lovers,
So to speak…
For I am nothing more,
And nothing less,
Then mortal to fickle hope.
Lazarus need not rise.
Rather I, choose a dying die,
Over death of a laid to rest.
Elements denied…
By those whom presume,
A righteous demise.
A deserving worth…
Embroidered with ink,
And earthly wounds.
Scorned and destined to walk.
A wandering lost.
Though pure of heart,
Choice…
Be it not,
But Man’s debatable facts.
Intended was our birth…
Nature’s choice,
as it was, in his eyes…
My body is, but a vessel.
A soul neither ferry nor keep.
Human is my sin.
So judge me upon,
the basis of all that I am.

Ties and Tracks

Hunker down,
Clamor peace.
Pick axe point,
Railroad discreet.
Pins to needles,
Slaegan kiss.
Hollowing echo,
Reverberating hiss.

Nonsense

Twaddle
Doddle
Yip yak.
Driveling claptrap
Lucid is as eloquent
Persuasive manipulation,
A forthcoming predicament
Quandary in the making,
Articulate gibberish falls short,
Common sense.

Greed

And so, beauty bleeds bliss.

Arrhythmia know it best…

Flicker falter beat.

Coy hints, silent winks.

Whom shall halt speak.

Modest, shy ease.

Tempered patience

Lustful greed. 

Stowaway

Undone a come.
Heart falter fear.
Revel a reverse.
Anew past amiss.
Clock… tock tick,
Upon minute mid.
Stowaway an escape.
Effort a give.
Only a made.
Shamed…
Consequential sin,
Disregarded, is as mirrored gem.

Nest Mate Love

Common grounds,
Reveals and presents…
A hidden love.
Though deemed with a named…
Entitlement has yet to state.
A deserving worth…
Kindness of old,
Steadfast and bold.
Simplicity defines…
A material love.
Streaming through…
A fiery cool…
An encompassing soothe,
Let it tenderly corrode within you.
Oh my darling child,
Life is cruel…
Elements of the earth,
Tis only modest and true,
Nothing more and nothing less…
Then a gorgeous liquid blue.
Indeed, a deed of honest debt.
Thus, gives way…
to a petty heart love.